


the uno saga

by arcadianwriter (noxstories)



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Crack, Drabbles, Oh god, Out of Order, Snippets, more tba i'm so tired, the basic premise is just dream playing uno in prison with ranboo + sam going crazy over it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-19 03:01:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29743971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noxstories/pseuds/arcadianwriter
Summary: Dream's passtimes in prison are incredibly limited. When Ranboo in his enderwalk state shows up one day with Uno and a challenge, who is Dream to refuse?[Sam regrets his decision to allow Uno when he realises neither player needs sleep. He regrets it even further when he realises how genuinely awful they both are at Uno too. His sanity is only slipping further away from him. Really, this might count as a villain origin story.]
Comments: 46
Kudos: 300





	1. the warden's curse

**Author's Note:**

> ,,hey guys!! i'm back, but not with an update for one or more of my incredibly angsty and properly thought out fics!! instead, i come with apologies, a starbucks, and an uno au developed on my tumblr acc [follow me, @dreamsclock] that has become a frighteningly prominent au on my blog !!
> 
> this will have plot holes, because ranboo had to get the cards into the prison somehow. this will also have ooc moments, because there is Incredibly Little Angst in this fic !! we only accept crack here, and this is the product of it!!
> 
> anyway, LMAO, please enjoy these stupid little snippets - i know i do :]

“I don’t get it,” Sam says one day after showing Tommy the extension to the hotel, “I just— I’m so confused, Tommy.”

There are dark circles under his friend’s eyes. Sympathetically, Tommy pats his back. “That’s the way of the world, big man. You come into it confused and you leave it even more confused. Trust me.”

“Wha—” Deciding not to ask Tommy to elaborate, Sam pushes ahead, turning to face Tommy properly. “Have you ever met someone who’s bad at Uno, Tommy?”

“Uno?” Tommy frowns. “Like... the game?”

“Yeah. The game.”

Tommy’s confusion really just adds to everything. “...I don’t think so. Can you be good or bad at Uno? I thought it was about lu—”

“Luck, right!” Sam buries his head in his hands, even more despair ridden. “That’s what I thought, Tommy! But I’ve been proven wrong, I think, because my god, I’ve never seen someone as bad at Uno as Ranboo!”

Tommy crosses his arms, clearly bewildered. “Ranboo beats me at Uno almost every time,” he says slowly, “he’s the best person I know at Uno. He’s always so lucky with his cards. Are you feeling alright, Sam?”

Sam is silent for a long, long moment. Too long. Tommy pats his back again, just as awkward, and inches away.

“You know what, Sam? You can take the day off. I think you need to rest and shit.”

“Thanks, Tommy,” Sam whispers, “I owe you one.”

He owes Tommy more than one. Two, three, four — he turns away from the hotel, and, with dread, begins to head back to the prison. Maybe he’ll get an hour or two of shut-eye before Ranboo appears again.


	2. god

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God shows up, and decides he likes what he sees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XD is now canon because i say he is !! he is canonically god and bets on dream and ranboo playing uno because i said he does, so there

“Excuse me,” Sam says incredibly politely, by now far too used to this to be surprised, “I’m gonna have to ask you to leave.”

God stares at him: at least, he thinks he does. It’s sort of hard to tell, considering the only expression on his spherical orb of a face is an X and a D. 

“This is supposed to be solitary confinement, XD. And two other people in the cell isn’t exactly solitary.”

Dream pulls a face. He’s grown a lot bolder now Ranboo and God are both here daily. “He said he doesn't want to leave,” he replies for them, and Sam frowns at him.

“He didn’t say anything.” 

**Dream XD: rofl**

Sam stares at the chat. “I don’t think that means anything in context to the question, I’ll be honest.”

“It’s their word for wanting to stay,” Dream translates, and if hadn’t been for XD’s head swiveling rapidly in agreement, Sam would have rolled his eyes at what sounded like a complete lie. As it is, he only gazes at the prisoner in mute disbelief. “For the Uno.”

Ranboo makes a noise somewhere between a snarl and a chirp. Sam pulls himself together.

“For the Uno,” he repeats, disbelievingly. 

**Dream XD: fuck yeah uno**

_ You know what? _ Sam tells himself, suddenly past the point of caring.  _ Fine. _ He can’t force God to leave, and he sure as hell isn’t going to try. If the other server members are mad Dream isn’t in complete solitary confinement, Sam will invite them to try instead. For now, he just nods, feigning cheerfulness, because otherwise he’s going to lose his mind.

“Okay,” he says, a little too brightly, “great. Will I double the potatoes I bring, then?”

“Nah,” Dream says easily, even as XD blinks, and a cake appears in the middle of the room, “I think food is covered. Sorry, Warden.”

Sam takes a deep breath. Counting to ten is supposed to help in these sorts of high-stress situations. 

**TommyInnit: SAM NOOK WHY ISN’T MY HOTEL FINISHED**

Sam takes another deep breath, and instead starts counting to twenty.


	3. snap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream and Ranboo upgrade to snap. It doesn't go very well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also also these are all being posted in the one shot LMAO, which is why i have no author's note :') i plan on uploading to this probably daily, and i'm also gonna be more active in updating my actual fics !! expect more oneshot / series content on here, too - i haven't abandoned them, don't worry, and have ideas for two fics i'm gonna start up very soon :D
> 
> tysm for ur support LOL

“Sam’s going to put his foot down about this, I think,” Dream says cheerfully, in a good mood today - good, Ranboo thinks, it’s a rare sight nowadays, “Uno was bad enough.”

Ranboo drops the cards on the ground between them, and Dream sits down cross-legged in front of them expectantly. in his usual spot. He doesn’t much like speaking - he much prefers to have Dream speaking, who has grown worryingly silent in prison, and anyway, he knows he doesn’t need to speak with Dream to communicate perfectly well with him. 

“How did you even manage to get these in here?” Dream picks up the cards like they’re made of gold, disbelief in his eyes. “Didn’t they burn or get confiscated?”

A smirk this time is all he gives. Sam hadn’t taken the cards from him, namely because who was crazy enough to take something off an eight foot half-enderman who kept them awake well into the small hours of the night playing uno? Not Sam, that’s for certain, who hadn’t been happy about the cards, but hadn’t confiscated them either. That’s as good as Ranboo had been able to get, and he’s happy with that. “Play,” he says simply, and Dream acquiesces with a grin.

They’re halfway into their fourth game by the time Sam gets into the cell, without his mask, looking like he’s going insane. “Please,” he half begs, “I’m begging you both to go to sleep or to at least stop playing Snap. You’re both so bad - you missed five snaps last round.”

Dream frowns, looking mildly put out. “We’re not bad,” he says, affronted, and Ranboo mutters an agreement under his breath, “we haven’t missed any-”

“You both just put down an eight! Both of you! An eight!” Sam buries his head in his hands. “If you’re going to keep me up to five in the morning every night, at least play a game you’re actually good at. I’m begging you both.”

Ranboo chirps at him, and Sam looks like he’s about to cry. “Did he say he agreed?” He asks Dream hopefully, who purses his lips.

“I think he said fuck you,” he answers honestly, and there’s mirth twitching at the corner of his lips.

Sam groans out loud, and, without another word, exits out of the prison cell in sheer exhaustion. He won’t get back to the cameras for four minutes - Ranboo bursts into laughter, and Dream wheezes.

“How long do you think we can keep this up?” He asks.

“I don’t know,” Ranboo says, in perfect English, “as long as it takes to completely wear him down.”

Dream laughs, gathering up the other cards and shuffling them with scarred hands. “Another round?”

Ranboo hums in agreement, and watches Dream deal while the clock strikes 6:02am. 


	4. world ender (uno loser)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world almost ends. So, you know, just normal Thursday evening things for Sam now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are technically all in chronological order, but there's no continuity between them - they're all just random snippets that have been requested from me on tumblr dot com asbidgkfsd

The world is ending. People run about the server as the sky switches between deep red and pitch black, all of them panicked, none of them having a clue what’s going on.

...Sam, unfortunately, does, and it’s with a heavy heart he walks into the cell to see XD in a corner with his back to him. Dream is grinning too smugly for his liking, and Ranboo is on the floor, pouting.

And, much to Sam’s horror, when XD turns to face him, his face isn’t so happy anymore. Instead, it’s in the shape of a DX — he hadn’t realised the sheer misery that could be communicated through such a simple expression.

“You lost?” He asks, wearily, and XD makes the clouds thunder in confirmation. “I just don’t understand how. You’re literally God.”

“Gods aren’t infalliable,” Dream murmurs from the corner wisely, and Sam resists the urge to shake him when XD makes a terrible, world-ending noise, “oh, come on, now. You’re just being a baby.”

The world shakes again, and the whole ground tilts to the side. Sam steadies himself on the wall with a sigh, turning to XD.

“Listen, you’re upset because he won. So am I. I’m probably just as upset as you are, trust me. But please, please, don’t jumpstart the apocalypse over this. My dog is probably very scared at home.”

Another roar of thunder above him, louder, and then—

XD’s face goes back to normal, and the world goes quiet and still.

**Dream XD: if i lose again**

**Dream XD: i will destroy every last person here**

Dream chuckles, even as Sam buries his head in his hands. (It’s not the first time this promise has been made, nor will it be the last.)

“Bring it on,” the admin says cheerily, and Sam can only watch as God sits back in a circle to play another round of uno.

  
  



	5. a lie-in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam falls asleep on the job, and, in panic, wakes up to find...
> 
> Suspiciously, nothing amiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> basic premise for this chapter is that sam fell asleep on the job ;') he wakes up, panics because he thinks dream has escaped or has tried to escape, and instead, this is the scene he's greeted with
> 
> this is crack, i did warn you all LMAO

Sam blinks at Dream in half-asleep panic and confusion. “You... didn’t leave,” he says, in disbelief.

Dream raises an eyebrow. “Nope,” he agrees, more focused on examining his own cards - a good hand, Sam notes, not that he thinks Dream knows that, “I didn’t.”

“You didn’t even try?” Sam had checked the alarms: nothing had been tripped, nothing had gone off. Which had been terrifying, at the time, because he’d been certain Dream had figured out a way to bypass them, but maybe...

“Nope.”

He struggles to wrap his head around this, rubbing at his eyes to wake himself up and frowning. “Why?” He presses, frustrated. “You had the perfect opportunity. I was sleeping for a good few hours-”

“A few days, actually,” Dream chips in, putting down a card and smirking at an exasperated looking Ranboo, “uno. Last card, enderboy. Make your next move good.”

A few days?! And he’d thought hours had been bad enough. Guilt rises in his stomach, twists his insides - he’s been a shitty warden, God, what would have happened if Dream had tried to escape? What then? It would have been all his fault - but Dream, noting his turmoil, shakes his heads absently.

“Sam, listen,” he says, “I’m more concerned right now with beating Ranboo than I am about escaping. After I win here? Maybe I’ll try and escape, but-”

Ranboo lays down a smug card. Dream blinks at it. Silence reigns, and then, with a long suffering sigh, and muttered curse, he picks up four. XD ribbits from the corner.

“...I think you can sleep for a while longer.” Dream scowls at his cards. “I have a feeling we’ll be here for an hour or so.”

**Dream XD whispers to you: if he tries to escape i’ll throw eggs at you to wake you up**

Sam stares between the message, the god in the corner, and his prisoner. “Yeah,” he agrees, sinking back down into his blankets, “yeah, good idea.”

He’s not quite ready to deal with uno shenanigans yet. He’ll take whatever rest he can get.


	6. tommy's reign

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy is locked in a cell with Uno-playing maniacs. He's not about to let them play without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TOMMY MAKES AN APPEARANCE !! warnings for mentions of trauma and exile in this chapter, but don't take any of this seriously - read my other fics for angst and good writing/characterisation LAMO

“You were a really shitty person,” Tommy says flatly, and Dream almost drops his cards.

“What?” He asks, in utter disbelief, because no way are they doing this over a game of Uno, there’s no way.

But Tommy seems adamant: he stares back at Dream with an unimpressed scowl, an unusual glint in his eyes that he can’t recognise. “You heard me,” he replies mutinously, “you were a really awful guy. And you have no friends.”

Dream stares at Tommy hard, stunned. “You- I mean, I guess, but-”

Tommy interrupts him with a condescending little sound, a big smug grin finally splitting his face as he lays down a card. “Plus four, bitch,” he smirks, “make your move.”

Stammering, completely off-guard, Dream completely misses his own plus four tucked behind another card, and is forced instead to reluctantly pick up four. 

“What the hell was that, Tommy?” He demands, scowling. “That wasn’t fair.”

“You know what else wasn’t fair?” Tommy asks, pseudo-sweetly. “Exile.”

And then, while Dream is reeling from the trueness of the statement, he smirks, laying down another plus four card while Ranboo whoops in delight from beside him. 

“Plus four,” he chirps, “and now we’re going to talk about your abandonment issues.”

Dream decides he hates playing Uno with TommyInnit very quickly. 


	7. “isn’t that guy dead?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy is pleased at his Uno winning streak. 
> 
> He is... bemused by this turn of events, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello !! back again with more crack. to cope with canon, i wrote this !!
> 
> find me on tumblr at @dreamsclock, where i post far more frequently + also a lot about this au !!

Tommy doesn’t expect insulting Dream over his losses in past manhunts to actually win him a game of Uno, but is pleasantly surprised when it does.

He also doesn’t expect the flurry of commotion that erupts after he wins, but also finds himself pleasantly surprised - and more than a little bemused - by it.

Dream buries his face in the ground, lying on his stomach and groaning in absolute humiliation, while Ranboo - does he have a different name in his sleepwalking state? He should probably ask at some point actually - all but screams in delight, getting to his feet and spinning Tommy round in a circle until he’s dizzy enough that the whole cell dances around him. Sam is sobbing in delight over the intercoms, whistling and clapping spills from the small speaker in the corner, and God, he feels a bit like a celebrity in here.

Puffing up his chest in pride, Tommy turns round, grinning, only to come face to face with XD - one of the most powerful deities on the server, the only one with full access to creative mode, the apocalypse bringer and world ender. Tommy swallows, suddenly very nervous when he’s reminded that XD had bet on Dream to win.

He is far too young to die, he decides, staring down XD nervously and shooting him a bright smile. This is not how he goes out, it can’t be, that would be so embarrassing, he can’t die just as he reaches his uno peak in life—

XD hands him a singular piece of bedrock. Tommy stares at it, and is very relieved when it doesn’t explode in his hands or kill him automatically. 

“What is this?” He asks, bemused at Dream’s whining growing in tenfold. “I don’t even know what block this is.”

Placing it in the centre of the cell is apparently a bad idea. Dream groans in distress, burying his face in his hands. 

“Great job,” he complains, “this cell is small enough already. You’ve just made it so much more awkward to move around in.”

“Huh?”

“It’s an unbreakable block.” Dream hits it with a sigh, and watches as Tommy tries in vain to break it. “It’s just going to be stuck there, in the cell, forever! This is right where I sleep—”

Someone behind Tommy shatters the block. Dream freezes, and Tommy pales in absolute horror. Even Dream XD chatters in terror. 

“Hey,” says Wilbur, cheerily handing the block back to Tommy with a clap on the back, “so I figured out how to get creative mode. Have fun, you guys and God.”

Ranboo, Tommy and Dream all stare as the very dead ghost of Wilbur Soot disappears, and XD makes a noise somewhere between a fire alarm and a dog’s bark.

Dream XD: bitch

Sam crackles over the intercom, incredulous. “Was that  _ Wilbur?” _

Tommy buries his head in his hands rough ly. He’s still holding the bedrock, so it actually hurts a little, but it’s worth it to be dramatic. “What the fuck is my life,” he mutters, miserably, “why is  _ this _ the way things are?”

This isn’t exactly the closure he’d wanted, but hey, things could be worse.

“Uno?” Ranboo offers, and Dream snaps out of his trance, shuffling the cards and beginning to deal. Tommy and XD crowd round, and Sam starts to place his bets.

In an hour or so, Wilbur opens the void between life and death. Everyone is too involved in the Uno match to care. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is just such pure crack i CAN’T
> 
> if you enjoyed ,, feel free to leave a kudos and / or a comment !! :D
> 
> see ya in the next chapter


End file.
